Wednesday, December 10, 2008

MODERN LOVE ( In 3 Acts)

The continued romantic adventures of SMIGLY. What are we so afraid of?

More Here:

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Road

I really hated being on the road. Having a "job" that required visiting cities all over the world was wasted on me. Having an insanely fast metabolism is also an injustice in that it allows me to eat everything and anything in sight yet I couldn’t care less about food. I would often start the habitual bitching a day or two before having to hit the road.

ME: Ughh…I have to be in Barcelona tomorrow.

YOU: And this is horrible, why?

ME: ‘Cause it’ll be a nightmare trying to find a nice quiet place to sit and have a meal. I’ll have to walk all over the place peeking inside smoke filled taverns packed with rotten toothed old men. If I do find a place I’m reduced to infancy looking at the menu and trying to order.

YOU: Won’t you be meeting up with musicians and local jazz lovers that’ll take you out for multi-course meals in amazing restaurants where you’ll sit for hours drinking wine and gorging on the finest native epicurean delights?

ME: Exactly! Food is just fuel as far as I’m concerned. Who the hell wants to sit around at a gas station. I want to fill up and then move on.

YOU: What about all the unique cultural aspects, like say…the architecture?

ME: It’s not like I’m playing at the foot of the Pyramids. It’s an urban metropolis. That means stores and hoards of people shopping in the stores and big signs everywhere advertising all the shit in the stores. It’s the exact same shit you find in any town in America except it's harder to tune out because it is just slightly different enough to fool you for a split second that their crap might be of a nobler quality than your crap. This momentary deception is incredibly exhausting.

YOU: You are a complete idiot. (Delivered with a look of disgust and contempt).

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Tip 47

Although this is kind of a weird theme for a blog, this post is great, full of insight, feeling and original observations. Enjoy.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Not Good...

Every once in a while a certain type of emotional blues creates the perfect head space to organize and or clean. The other day I decided to take the morbid focus off myself by completely cleaning my car inside and out.

Still relatively new to car culture, I don't give a shit about this silver pod that gets me to and from work. The problem was I suddenly realized I was driving a 2002 gas powered dumpster.

At my local car wash, I pull into the vacuum area that in the past I had relegated to people with way too much free time and proceed to yank everything but the seats out onto the pavement.

I'm in the zone now, down on my hands and knees on the ground, vacuuming the floor mats. Suddenly, breaking my concentration is a pigeon bravely eating some saltine crumbs inches in front of the mat. I'm eye to eye with this weird little creature. I move myself a bit towards it and it doesn't move except to glance up at me through these milky white eyes. Finally I yell---GET OUT OF HERE, and lift my arm to scare it off. The next thing I know the fucking bird is stuck to the end of the vacuum that I'm holding.

I quickly start shaking the shit out of the vacuum but it won't come loose. As you probably know there is no OFF switch on these things.

The bird is flapping its wings like crazy. Its making this horrible sound that is part high pitched scream and part out of shape wheezing. Finally with two hands on the nozzle I lift it over my head and with all my might I swing it down to the ground. It comes loose with a thud and just lies there. Fuck.

As feathers and bird dirt drift slowly to the ground I quickly glance around to see if anyone has witnessed this nightmare. I'm cool.

Actually, I'm not. I still feel totally fucked up when I think about it.