Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Holy Crap?

There's an elementary school one block away from me. On Sundays I take Hoagy over there to play in this huge grassy lawn near the parking lot. There are no other dogs around so I don't have to worry about Hoagy tearing Michael Eisner's poodle in half. (I see me and Hoagy homeless after the trial, begging on the street. Hoagy saying---What the fuck happened man? Where's my bed?)

I've noticed an intriguing pattern. Between 9:00-11:00, when we finally stumble over there, cars begin to fill up the parking lot and then people file into the school. A whole lot of people. Let me add, these are very attractive people. I'm talking fucking hot women. Hundreds of hot women in summer dresses and high heels, women in baby doll dresses and sandals. Women in tight jeans, tee-shirt and sneakers.

They even wave. At me. The nice guy playing with his sweet dog. I even wave back. Sometimes Hoagy runs over and they pet him. Good boy.

So why the hell are all these people piling into the school. A used furniture auction? Casting call? Singles Bingo?

Nope, it's REALTY L.A.

What the fuck is that? It's a non denominational way of worshipping Jesus Christ.

That's church (for those in the back row).

Sure, I know Church exists. Millions of people go to church. BUT there is something really odd about seeing them going in, up close, most of them carrying Bibles of some sort. ----Well, we all sit around and our leader tells us stories about magic stuff.

These are some sexy women though. They even had a live band once that wasn't terrible.

Then one Sunday...I smelled pancakes. Fucking pancakes, no shit.

You fuckers.

Church plus hot chicks plus pancakes equals moral crisis. I didn't know what to do. It wouldn't hurt if I just took a peak, stuck my head in for a minute, would it?

To be continued.

1 comment:

Melissa Cole Smith said...
Should sex really be squished between pancakes and god? Maybe its like sex...god...pancakes. Or better yet, sex...pancakes...where was I?